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Psychotic Reviews: Mario & Luigi: Dream Team

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Mario & Luigi: Dream Team is the fourth game in the series of cooperative RPGs starring Nintendo’s two main plumber brothers. It was released around the world in July and August of 2013. Dream Team was developed by longtime series developer AlphaDream, which has made every Mario & Luigi game. Now, I have not played any games in this series since Superstar Saga, the first one. I’ve heard about how good and great the two DS games are, but never got around to them. So when I picked up my 3DS I wanted to jump back into the series with its newest entry.

The story of Dream Team is about the team from the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toadsworth, and random Toads, all going on a vacation to Pi’illo Island, an island that was once inhabited by talking pillow people. Now it has become a wonderful tourist trap. It turns out that the Pi’illo people have really been trapped in the dream world by the evil Antasma. After freeing the Pi’illo Prince, Dreambert, Mario & Luigi go on an adventure around the island to help wake the Pi’illo and stop Antasma and his familiar allies.

Sadly, I may have been better off saving the money I spent on this game and using it for one of the older DS games that I missed out on. While I still have not played Partners in Time or Bowser’s Inside Story, those are well regarded, while Dream Team is a mixed bag. Dream Team is one of those games that can be chalked up as a disappointment, or perhaps why mainstream gaming critics can complain about Call of Duty’s static gameplay from year to year while still awarding it high marks for being a great game in its own right. Dream Team is a fantastic game, when it lets you play it.

Every time you start to feel like you’re on a roll and you’re going to get some serious progress done then the game takes you on a detour, or introduces a new mechanic and spends five minutes explaining how to use it. This may be helpful for the first couple of skills, but when you’re 30 hours in and still being told to press A at the right timing to get this new ability of your’s to work, when the other 7 you’ve received in the game all have the same timing and same buttons, it gets annoying. The game treats you like you’re a 3 year old that’s never played a game before, which I find odd coming from Nintendo, the company that was the king of cryptic gameplay and secrets in the 8 and 16-bit days. They let you discover the game by playing it. Dream Team tells you how to play it. You never get a new ability and are allowed to play with it, you need to sit through an unskippable tutorial explaining the process you’ve already been through many times before.

The gameplay is varied, with three different battle systems at work here. In the real world it uses the classic system that goes back to the first game, with Mario and Luigi side by side in battle, working together to take down enemies. In the dream world Dreamy Luigi becomes a part of Mario during battles, which open up a different set of single group attacks. Dreamy Luigi also has a Godzilla option in the dream world where he grows to be about fifty feet tall and can start jumping and hammering massive bosses. Every attack in every battle mode has its own tutorial, and you don’t stop learning new skills through the game. So every awesome spectacle of Dreamy Luigi going Apache Chief is interrupted by Dreambert going on some tangent about how to use a hammer or how to get Mario to throw mushrooms in his giant brother’s mouth.

Free mustache rides!

 

Really the only major complaint about this game involves the volume of dialogue and copious use of in game tutorials. If you’ve played any of the previous Mario & Luigi games you know what you’re going to be doing most of the time. The game assumes you know nothing (Jon Snow) and uses dialogue in every major location you visit to teach you new things. Since every skill uses the same buttons it becomes a chore in tedium and monotony more than any real helpful advice. In the end there is too much dialogue because there are too many tutorials, which leads to too much dialogue. You see how it became a vicious circle that has lead to gamers complaining about this, and it can get bad enough to turn people off of the game before they beat it. I would not recommend this as a starting point to the series, and it may well be the low point of the Mario & Luigi series as a whole. I’ll play the others and get back to you on that, I have Partners in Time now.

Psychotic Reviews: Mario’s Time Machine

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Why does this exist? I understand educational games, but throwing in a huge, well-established character just seems like a lazy cash grab. A good educational game should be able to stand up on its own by mixing good teaching tools with fun. Mario’s Time Machine fails as a teaching tool.

Mario’s Time Machine was developed and published by The Software Toolworks for the Super Nintendo and MS-DOS. Radical Entertainment developed the NES port with Nintendo publishing this version themselves. When this game was released in the early 90s, it was not the first Mario themed educational game; it was preceded by Mario is Missing! (which had the same developer). As you might be able to discern from the title, Mario’s Time Machine is a game meant to teach history. However, I find that as a teaching tool the game fails. As an adult who understands and knows the basic historical content presented in this game, it is extremely easy to get through and beat quickly. The basic gameplay involves you having historical artifacts with an attached document with information on it; this document has blanks in it that you must fill. As an adult, you’ll likely know most, if not all, of the answers without thinking too much. However, if you’re a kid, you may have trouble filling in these blanks. Other than context clues in the document, the game does little to actually teach history beyond blind guesswork and memorization.

The historical content in the game involves major figures, most of them Western European. You’ll visit Joan of Arc, Leonardo da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Isaac Newton, Marco Polo, Cleopatra VII, Thomas Jefferson, and Plato, among others. The only major Eastern figure you meet up with is Kublai Khan, and he’s not the main target of that trip back in time. Since this game is targeted at young children and is exclusive to North America, it can be forgiven for ignoring most of Eastern history. The intended market of kids are only going to be learning the basics at this age after all.

All of these random, historical figures across all periods of time, from Ancient Greece to Thomas Edison, are pulled together by a crazy narrative. Bowser has built a time machine and steals all of these critical artifacts to build a huge museum in his castle. I have never considered Bowser to appreciate any history other than one where he has the Princess and rules as supreme evil overlord. Apparently, Bowser was bored so he single-handedly did what our scientists insist is completely impossible. If he used this power for good, who knows what kind of damage he could help alleviate!

After finishing your homework assignment, Mario has to set the year and location he needs to go to give the item back to its rightful owner and help prevent too many space-time anomalies. Any date and location you pick will take Mario into a surfing mini game, which is by far the most fun aspect of this game. During this surfing section, Mario needs to collect aquatic mushrooms and then jump into a whirlpool. If you pick the right location and time, then you see an example of juxtaposed visual design.

The locations and characters throughout Earth’s European-centric history are realistic in design. The backgrounds and sprites would be right at home in a Western PC RPG of the time, where each town would have its resident eccentric that would send you out on some fetch quest to find their astrolabe or sculptor’s pick in the bottom of some dungeon. Mario’s presence in these realistic areas just stands out and looks awkward. His sprite is ripped straight from Super Mario World, so there’s a huge contrast between his cartoony look and the realistic looks of all of the historical locations.

Overall, this game is best avoided for all but the most curious or the completionist collector. It lacks any real fun for an adult and lacks the tools to properly teach kids the dynamic nature of history. The gameplay is rigid and you will ultimately obtain the correct answers without understanding the why or the implications of the work of these influential people. For these reasons, I will likely stay away from any educational Mario games from now on, except perhaps Interplay’s Mario Teaches Typing, but that’s just because I’m a sucker for Interplay games!

Crack the Seal

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Open your new games. For years many of us have been around game communities and have seen or read about people that will buy two copies of a game, keeping one sealed and opening the other one. Why? I need one copy of a game, to open and play. Having something sealed on the shelf might look nice, but its not serving much of a purpose. Most of the people that try this speculation pick the wrong games to keep sealed, or did until they were burned by their theory or made too little profit to make it worth keeping something factory sealed for a decade.

This entire phenomenon comes down to expectations. We are all aware of how Star Wars toys became a hot collectible. Why was the market so top heavy for sealed toys though? An overwhelming majority of those toys were opened, sealed ones were the exception to this rule. Even today you can run across loose Star Wars toys at flea markets and thrift stores all the time. Sealed ones from the original lines of the toys? Not so much. This type of expectation came with the early days of video games as well. The further back in gaming history you go the harder it is to find sealed games, even boxed games can be difficult for many systems.

Nobody expects this sealed anymore, but they’re still around anyway.

Even before this current explosion of video game collecting there was speculation about the future of a video game’s price. The early days of eBay and online marketing were a wild time that lead many to irresponsible purchasing decisions and speculation. I can remember quite a few games in that time that were highly inflated and have cooled off considerably, while others have blown up as a result of a better connected world and more information on what’s actually hard to find. Specifically, I recall the days when the original Bandai printing of Dragonball GT Final Bout was the hottest title for the first Playstation. It was uncommon at best, but the series was running and at the height of its popularity. A reprint came later and the property cooled off, but you better believe that there were speculators trying to flip the Atari reprints as soon as they came out.

I can honestly remember seeing on some fan forums in the PS2 era people who were going to buy a second copy of such expensive games as Suikoden IV, Jak and Daxter, Okami, and the Collector’s Edition of Final Fantasy XII to ‘hold onto’ and ‘see what happens in the future’. Gaming is a hobby to many people, and the idea of money and a percieved second hand value to the game has fired many people up and turned people who have no business with a video game into a seller, since they know there’s money to be had somewhere. The titles that are really worth flipping if you buy cheap are few and far between, and the only real profit comes from the bulk of many libraries and how many people are digging for these titles at the moment. If I want a long term investment I’ll stick with my financial adviser and diversify my stock portfolio, I’ll probably even invest in some gold and silver as the prices for them cool down even further.

A real man’s investment.

It just takes one time for somebody to buy two copies of Rule of Rose and rake in the profits for the decisions to go all downhill from there. The expectation of newer games on the market is that they should be sealed! The buyer’s market for newer games actually makes the purchasing of used games a poor decision since there are many cases where you can find better deals online for brand new, sealed games than local brick and mortar stores have for used games. One recent example of this for me is seeing Lightning Returns for $50 at a used store, when its currently $30 at Target for a brand new Target exclusive edition, and $20 for a regular release on Amazon! As always, do your research as a buyer and you will not get hosed by a deal like that because you were not paying attention to online deals or even shopping around your own town.

What really made me start thinking about this topic was the release of Gaijinworks’ Class of Heroes 2G for PS3, and my own recent research and purchase for the original Class of Heroes 2 on PSP. I missed out on the original calling for Class of Heroes 2 to give Vic and company my money, but I made sure to send some out for a copy of 2G. While I was watching copies of Class of Heroes 2 the secondhand market was almost entirely sealed copies. I just had to wait for one that was the right price. I did see a few opened copies pop up online, but they did not offer enough in savings to make buying them worthwhile compared to a sealed copy. I’m talking an average of $10 in the difference between an opened copy and a sealed copy.

This game is supposed to be rare! Even after years on the market the price is only that much of a difference. Why is that average difference so little? Its the expectation of the sellers, not the buyers in this case. The sellers have heard for years that a sealed copy is worth more than something that is opened, and to be fair this is correct. The main difference is in profit potential. Copies of Class of Heroes 2G were flipped early on for more than double the original investment, the original Class of Heroes 2 has calmed down almost to the point where a sealed copy is as much as you would have given to Gaijinworks. Once the hype dies down so does the profit. The result? A glut of sealed games with the odd actually opened copy. Given the supply and option the buyer will choose the pristine, unopened, and barely touched copy for only a few dollars more than one that’s opened. I myself did this, and just waited for the best price and one that I could haggle on.

Case replacement fodder and nothing more.

As this article will release its likely that the hot speculative items will continue to be the brand new secondhand sealed copies of the limited edition of The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3D. What is an item that sold at $50 for those lucky enough to get a pre-order is being listed at two to four times its launch price. And you know there are some people out there paying it. With this release, the Majora’s Mask New 3DS XL, and all the undersold Amiibos I’m sure many Nintendo fans are praying that the company starts to manufacture more than enough copies of everything to keep the shelves stocked longer than a day, maybe even a couple weeks, to chase the speculators away. But they will never truly go away anymore, just find the newest commodity to latch onto. Ten years ago it was Atlus limited editions that were heavily speculated, this is the decade for Nintendo, niche companies, and limited Kickstarter physical copies.

I opened Class of Heroes 2 and 2G as soon as I got them. I love the feeling of unwrapping a brand new game. The day that I am writing this I have a stack of three brand new, crisp, factory sealed PS3 games courtesy of Amazon sales sitting next to me, and I can’t wait to crack the seal, open them up, smell the new game smell, and flip through the manuals. I can’t experience that with a sealed game. I want to make this next point very clear, I am not trying to advocate the opening of a 40 year old, hard to find Atari game or anything related to the idea. Those have more in common with the original run of Star Wars toys than the gaming market of today. In the new market there is absolutely no reason to not open your game to play it. As much as I like looking at my shelf of games they all have one thing in common, they’re open and I can play the game hidden within, read its manual, and enjoy all the art and promotions they came with.

How else would I know what variants I got without opening my games up?

Psychotic Reviews: Panzer Dragoon

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Sega’s surprise launch of the Saturn in North America caught retailers and developers off guard. As a result the pickings were slim. The Saturn’s Japan launch happened only six months before the North American launch so most Japanese third parties did not have anything ready for international release either. The originally announced launch date was in September of 1995 for North America, but then they decided to launch it in May, right in the middle of E3! For a gamer that was anxiously anticipating the Saturn that might sound like a good deal at first, but that also meant that many games would be a full four months behind the launch. As a result, only Sega’s own first party games were available at first, but there was a decent spread of genres available. Panzer Dragoon was Sega’s cinematic action game for the North American launch.

After playing through Panzer Dragoon a few times I can say that it feels heavily inspired by Sega’s own arcade history. This game feels like a modernized (for the mid 90’s), cinematic version of Space Harrier. There’s even a code to put in at the title screen that will derender the dragon and let you fly around by yourself, and its called Space Harrier Mode because of this! Team Andromeda was founded specifically to develop this game, and they delivered one of the all time classic launch games.

Panzer Dragoon is so well polished that it shouldn’t feel like a launch game, and to be fair it was not available at the Japanese launch. The Japanese Saturn launch was dominated by Virtua Fighter. In Panzer Dragoon you fly on a dragon, unless you decide to go in Space Harrier Mode, and your mission is to stop the Black Dragon. There are six levels, called episodes to fly through, with five of them having bosses to fight at the end. The sixth boss is in the seventh episode, and that episode only carries the final fight against the end boss.

The game is set far into the future, long beyond the modern pinnacle of technology and into an apocalyptic view of a world post industry and with only a tyrannical government adding any new technology to the world. Of course these new pieces of tech are only available to the military to keep the government in power. Since old tech is much more advanced they are ravenous in their search for it in ruins that are scattered across the landscape. The unnamed character, or Keil Fluge in other versions, is approached by the dying rider of a blue dragon after he is shot by a black dragon. Keil then carries out the rest of the rider’s mission, stopping the black dragon! Enter the player, and you’re off to the first episode.

Remembering that this game is an early 3D game is kind of hard at times. It runs smoothly and the graphics in the world and characters are quite detailed for an early Saturn game, especially with its lacking 3D capabilities compared to its competition. The controls will pan the camera slightly from side to side as you move the dragon. The aiming reticle that pans moves quite smoothly during this panning, and while I only played with a D-Pad it would likely feel better to play it with a Saturn arcade stick. This game does feel like it would be right at home in an upright cabinet with a stick, fire button, zoom button, and camera switch button. Those are the only three controls in the game, movement, shooting, and moving the camera to see your flanks, behind you, and zoom in and out.

The weapon’s mechanic does have a lock on feature. By holding down any fire button you can lock onto any enemies you swing your reticle over, and then launch your lasers when you release the button. The firing button does not autofire, but you can alternate presses of A, B, and C to get a series of rapid fire shots. Depending on the area it may be more useful to lock on, or it may be better to use rapid fire. The shoulder buttons are used to switch the camera’s focus from side to side. L swings it left, L again swings it behind the dragon, L again goes to the right flank, and one more press of it brings you back to the front quickly. After one press you can slowly aim your way around your flanks and back as well, but the shoulder buttons are useful for quick switches. Finally, X, Y, and Z set to different camera zooms.

This is a game about memorization. Its not overly difficult, but each level does increase the difficulty over the previous level. You should not have much trouble getting through the first level the first time you play the game, but getting through level 5 or 6 the first time you see them is a more daunting task. Panzer Dragoon does offer different level difficulties, but playing on Easy only lets you get through level 4, you have to play on Normal to actually get the chance to beat the game. Easy can be used to master those first four levels so when you do move up to normal you will know the enemy patterns. Taking out a high percentage of enemies will give you an extra life, or continue in this game, at the end of each level. Getting close to a perfect will give you two continues. If you want to see the real ending of the game you have the beat this game on Hard! The best way to beat the game on hard is to memorize everything in all six main flying levels so nothing can threaten you.

Thankfully the game is short. Each level only takes a few minutes, and the bosses don’t take long to defeat once you figure out their pattern, where their weak spot is, and what attack method works the best on them. A playthrough of the game takes around an hour from start to finish. The challenge comes from having to memorize the game and then increase the difficulty to get the true ending. Since the game is so fun and easy to pick up and play with a short time constraint I can forgive it for all this memorization.

Psychotic Reviews: Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

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Its finally time for a Zelda game to be reviewed! This is far from the first game I’ve played in the series, that honor goes to Oracle of Ages on the Game Boy Color. I played the Game Boy Advance port of the predecessor of this game, A Link to the Past on the next handheld I owned. I loved it and now own the original Super Nintendo release, and still have my original boxes for Oracle of Ages, GBA Link to the Past, and the Minish Cap. Since I went so long without a home Nintendo console its only recently in my collecting days that I’ve picked those up. A Link Between Worlds is the most recent original game in the long running series, releasing in 2013 for Nintendo’s 3DS. It uses the world design and map of Link to the Past as a base, and weaves a new tale in a familiar world.

The Zelda games always seem to have some identifying mechanic at their core to make each individual title stand out. Wind Waker’s sailing, Wolf Link in Twilight Princess, time jumps in Ocarina of Time, masks in Majora’s Mask, and so on. In Link Between Worlds you can turn into a painting on the wall and scoot along it, moving to floating platforms or through small cracks to get past certain rooms and into secret areas. There are some cracks on the overworld after a certain event that will be your method of travel between Hyrule and the replacement to the old Dark World, Lorule. High and Low, get it? Lorule is dark and its princess, Hilda, calls upon Link to help gather up the descendants of the Seven Sages to save both worlds. This is after you do the basic and familiar pendant gathering for fans of the first game.

This game really does feel like Nintendo’s version of fanservice. They take something familiar and dear to a lot of their old school fans, and modernized it. I feel like I’m playing A Link to the Past again, but the story’s different, and the wall running adds just enough to where it doesn’t feel like another Game Boy Advance port! The early dungeons and some of the bosses are quite familiar as well, but they may require different tactics to defeat than before since you have all kinds of fun new toys and abilities to play with.

Something that old school Zelda fans may miss is the way dungeons feel. You don’t unlock new items through doing the dungeons, you rent and later buy them. You can rent most of the items early on in the game, with any stragglers unlocked by getting through a certain area of the game. This style does open the game up, so it doesn’t feel like a completely linear run through the dungeons. The early part does, but once the world opens up and you can get to Lorule then there are few restrictions to which dungeon you go to. The sacrifice of finding items in dungeons actually opens the world up to different play and exploration styles!

There are not too many weaknesses about this game that I noticed. Any time I died or made a mistake it was entirely my fault and not one of the game’s by having a badly designed room or controls. Everything flows well. There are parts that may take a bit of trial and error or memorization, but its never enough to significantly alter the flow of the game. Since I have a 3DS XL I also tried out the game’s 3D capabilities. At first glance you may think that the feature is worthless in a top down Zelda. There were certain areas that felt easier and flowed better, and allowed for better timing while in 3D than 2D in my opinion.

What stood out the most to me was the game’s story. It felt like the darkest world with the most urgency since Majora’s Mask. It doesn’t go beyond that game of course but it delves deeper than one would expect into the purpose of the Sages and the Triforce’s impact and power on the worlds of Hyrule and Lorule. The ending was wrapped up neatly in traditional Zelda style. Everything is just peachy for Hyrule, Link, and Princess Zelda when all is said and done. The journey to the ending was one of the most rewarding gaming experiences I’ve had with a handheld game in a long time, and it comes highly recommended!

Psychotic Reviews: Hyperdimension Neptunia

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Hyperdimension Neptunia is a turn based RPG developed by Idea Factory, Compile Heart to be specific. It was published by all kinds of different companies depending on where you live, Compile Heart in Japan, NIS America in North America, and Tecmo Koei for the Europeans. It has spawned sequels and a plethora of extra media in Japan. It was remade for the Vita with the epithet Re;Birth 1. Once again the Japanese start messing around with our punctuation and grammar.

The idea behind the game sounds like heaven for long time fans of video games. Imagine the major manufacturers personified as goddesses, and you get to play as one! You play as Neptune, the personification of Sega, with the name pulled from the Sega Neptune prototype of the combined Genesis and 32X. Neptune love sleeping and food, almost too much. The major supporting characters include personifications of the developers and publishers involved in the game. Compa for Compile Heart, IF for Idea Factory, Nisa for Nippon Ichi, and Gust for GUST! The Goddesses can also transform, with Neptune growing well over a foot in height and a couple letters in cup size. She’s affectionately referred to as “Magical Boob Girl” by IF.

In this world the Console Wars are real battles between the Goddesses as they vie for domination of the world of Gamindustri and their own realm of Celestia. Some events transpire in Celestia that lead to the Goddesses descending to their respective planes, except Neptune who ends up lost. She lands face first and suffers from amnesia after that. There is a lot of hidden comparisons and criticisms of Sega and the other hardware manufacturers scattered throughout the story, this being the first major one. There are events scattered throughout the planes, with Planeptune including one where a game obsessed kid criticizes a game company’s history, including releasing a console the same day they announce it. That sounds familiar. The same kid also screams at an executive for the company, telling him the company sucks, then justifying it as a sort of encouragement for the company to improve. For such a light hearted game there are many quips and jokes that feel like they’re roughly scratching at sensitive scar tissue.

In the end, this is not Segagaga. There is no atmosphere of despair and failure surrounding a group of executives and creators. It is upbeat in no small part thanks to Neptune’s natural energy, eagerness, and brash personality. The main characters are unique in their own way, and the supporting characters are quite helpful, Gust’s discount ability saves a lot of credits! Compa is a rather airheaded nursing student who ends up being pulled along with Neptune into a grand, epic adventure after her school is closed due to monsters. Her grandfather is also hilarious! IF is the more rational and level headed group member, helping to balance out Neptune and Compa’s tendency to run head first into dangerous dungeons without preparing themselves.

While the story and characterization is quite strong the rest of the game is lackluster. The battle system is quite weak, devolving into monotonous combos that you’ll end up skipping to get S ranks in the dungeons. Repeatable dungeons are all about finishing them quickly to get higher ranks, then you get more reward money at the end. Skipping the attack animations makes this actually attainable. So you’ll spend most of combat mashing a few face buttons with L2 mashing in between them. This gets old quickly and wears the fingers down. There is usually a grinding dungeon thrown in somewhere, where some dungeons are harder, take longer, and offer worse rewards this grinding dungeon is relatively easy with some great rewards and fast experience. One of the last dungeons I found of this kind got me from level 48-65 in about an hour. I was entirely overpowered after that dungeon.

Items are also awkward. Instead of buying the items you want to use and navigating a menu the party gathers up four ingredients, then mixes them based on whatever item skills you equip them with. Its not a simple equip either, but how many percentage points you allot to that specific ability. I pretty much kept the cheap, low level healing abilities up at the maximum percentage since the healing skills are also percentage based. The one skill I found myself micromanaging was Neptune’s Protein skill. This lets Neptune start the battle with Lunatic, an attack power buff. Bosses die fast with that on, but its expensive to use for every battle.

I do not believe that Japanese developers have properly grasped the concept of DLC yet, moreso when this game’s DLC was releasing. Neptunia has some DLC, including free dungeons. Some of these dungeons are extemely high level, and you’ll have to buy multiple level cap increasing DLCs to make use of most of these free dungeons, which serve to grind out a hundred or so levels. As monotonous as the main game is I know I would never have the patience for that kind of post game grinding. Some extra characters are also unlocked in combat through purchasable DLC, like Nisa and Gust. There are also the obligatory costume and gear packs to buy as well. Given the price of a used copy of the game now you’ll spend over twice as much extra scratch for DLC that will likely never be touched, so I would not even bother supporting this awkward and contradictory style of content addition.

This first game in the series really should only be played to see the story, and as such you might as well play it on the easiest difficulty. You won’t be missing much for this, and will probably save a couple fingers some fatigue and soreness in the process. This game took me the longest to play out of anything I’ve reviewed so far. I started the game I just beat almost three years ago, but found myself bored and moving onto other things only to pick it up for a day or two months later. I finally powered through the rest of the game to see the rest of the story. The monotony may drive you insane and if you’re looking for an RPG with deeper and more engaging mechanics then it is best to look elsewhere in the PS3 and Vita’s library.

5 Best and Worst Examples of Video Game Box Art

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One of my favorite parts about video games, collecting them, and playing them is looking at the art included with the whole package. Your first impression of a game is likely going to be the first part of the package you see, the box art. With thousands of games comes as many examples of box art, and it ranges from artistic genius to as bad as a five year old’s first photoshop. While everybody else is doing their Top Games of 2014 I wanted to do something different. Those that have read me since my earlier blogging days know that most of my lists are usually different from the rest. I want this holiday special to be no different. In no particular order here are five examples of the best, and worst examples of video game box art!

Worst

We’ll start with the worst first, since these are usually hilarious and you’ll get all your gut wrenching laughter out of your system before we get super serious with the great examples of good box art.

Black Belt

I think Sega was trying to convey minimalism with this game, but with such a poorly drawn foot it ends up looking like a toddler’s doodle of daddy’s crusty toes. A positive I have about this example is that you do in fact kick people with your foot in the game, so it gets a few points for being relatively accurate. Sega’s Master System is littered with pieces of awful box art, but there are plenty of great pieces in the libraries as well. Don’t let this one example sour your opinion of a great system.

Bomberman

This one is a double whammy. The Turbo-16 art is pretty awful, but so is the NES art as well! I love how the NES box claims that ‘Nearly 1 million sold in Japan.’ I know the gaming market was smaller back then, but nearly could make one think that its not good enough to be more than a million! Also, the actual word “Bomb!” is used as a sound effect. The Turbo art looks like it could be a buddy comedy about two older and out of shape terrorists trying to get back into the game of blowing stuff up. So they dress up in space outfits and start chucking old tyme bombs all over the city to let the young’uns know who’s still in charge!

Rival Turf

Nothing makes me more frightened than seeing a couple of suburban 90’s kids looking so tough. This is their turf, so you best back off!

Tongue of the Fatman

How many of you reading this could tell, just by looking at the cover of this game, that Tongue of the Fatman is a fighting game? Not only is it a fighting game, but it is a fighting game for various PC systems. Prepare for awful keyboard controls and disgusting character design. There’s no reason at all to play this.

Metro Cross

Remember when I mentioned a five year old’s first photoshop? I wasn’t joking, not entirely at least. Metro Cross is the punchline. For trying to be rad and extreme there is entirely too much safety equipment on this piece of art. Remove your knee and elbow pads chump, we can discuss the blue and orange turtleneck one piece suit afterwards.

Best

Now that you’ve gotten your laughter from these awful, but in some cases hilarious out of your system, check out these pieces and get ready for an awe inspiring tale of talent, vision, and good planning.

Time Soldiers

Consider this the Master System’s redemption. I love the art on this cover, and the game inside is quite fun if you dig Commando or Ikari Warriors. My favorite detail about this art is not just the tank and the dinosaur trying to get through the time portal at the same time, nor is it the guy firing his bazooka at the visible time portal. No, the best detail is the guy firing his bazooka towards the viewer, alluding to the fact that there is something just off to the side that is just as intimidating as a T-Rex and a tank that we can’t see. You have to play the game to find out!

Ys Book I & II

And here is the Turbo’s redemption. These Ys remakes are considered to be the killer apps of the Turbo CD here in North America. They were highly regarded critically upon release, and had some of the best CD quality audio in video games for its time. The soundtrack has held up well, so go give it a listen. This cover makes me think this is a long lost Dio era Rainbow album. I am not disappointed that its not.

Wasteland

There is no other box like Wasteland’s, well except for Wasteland 2’s. Wasteland is considered to be one of the all time classics of PC role playing games, and introduced the gamers for the platform to a post apocalyptic view of the American Southwest. The idea and the setting would be used as the groundwork for a spiritual successor almost a decade later in the more popular series Fallout. No other game at the time took the perspective of the game, in this case top down, and made such a wonderful piece of art for their product.

System Shock 2

Looking Glass Studios is one of my favorite developers of all time. It was loaded with talent that produces some of the most well loved games today, and when it came to quality they were almost unrivaled on their native PC platform. These green eyes and the circuit wiring on the face, with the wires protruding to each side, let alone the space ship on the bottom, just let the viewer know that they are in for a wild science fiction ride.

Awesome

Just look at everything Psygnosis. That’s my advice. I don’t know what to say other than the word that’s already the title of the game.

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